Alerts to Threats Over in Europe

 
blinf hog

The Blind Hog

ALERTS TO  THREATS IN EUROPE: BY JOHN  CLEESE

John  Cleese – British writer, actor and tall  person

The English are feeling the pinch  in relation to recent events in Syria and have  therefore raised their security level from  “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though,  security levels may be raised yet again to  “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English  have not been “A Bit Cross” since  the blitz in  1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from  “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time  the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning  level was in 1588, when threatened by the  Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised  their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s  get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other  levels. This is the reason they have been used  on the front line of the British army for the  last 300 years.

The French government  announced yesterday that it has raised its  terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The  only two higher levels in France are  “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was  precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed  France ‘s white flag factory, effectively  paralyzing the country’s military  capability.

Italy has increased the alert  level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to  “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels  remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and  “Change Sides.”

The Germans have  increased their alert state from “Disdainful  Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing  Marching Songs.” They also have two higher  levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and  “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are  all on holiday as usual; the only threat they  are worried about is NATO pulling out of  Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to  see their new submarines ready to deploy. These  beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so  the new Spanish navy can get a really good look  at the old Spanish navy.

Australia,  meanwhile, has raised its security level from  “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two  more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think  we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!”  and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no  situation has ever warranted use of the last  final escalation level.

A final thought –  ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting  aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome  back to 430 BC”.
 

 Posted by at 6:08 am