By: Don Penven
The relationship seemed to slip away before either of you realized what happened.
Can you bring that love back? It happened all so quickly, a few course words, angry looking faces, slamming doors, banging pots and pans. The storm came out of nowhere, like Sandy–the Frankenstorm–a monster hurricane. Where were the warning signs—no national weather service bulletins to tell you it was coming. When the storm passed the devastation was all around you. Now here you are picking through the rubble of a relationship. Is there anything worth saving? What you had worked so hard to build is now scattered to the four winds. Is it possible to undo what was done—that will indeed will be a serious challenge.
As the storm passes you try to win that love back. But first you must look for something, anything that may be salvageable. Is the damage so severe that nothing can be saved? Take a hard look, think back over the days and months—that time before the storm hurled its full force between you. Perhaps you are thinking that the damage that followed the breakup was to devastating that there really isn’t anything left to save. You must assess the remains of the relationship, if any remains, to find even one single shred of what may prove to be worthwhile. Many times you, like so many other people, will overlook a positive spark in what now appears to be a burned out hulk.
You have been through the most exhausting period of your life. Your dreams for the future are shattered mementos of what was. It will be very hard work to undo what was done—to win that love back again. Step back and take a critical look at what effort may be needed to win that love back, and decide if it is really something you want to do.
The pieces of a failed romance may seem now like a puzzle with too many pieces missing. Ask yourself if it makes sense to try to start again to put the pieces back together. Will trying to win back that love you had be just an exercise in futility? These are hard questions to answer. It’s like banging your head against the wall, but remember how good it feels when you stop abusing yourself. Think about how you would answer these questions, it could save you a lot of unnecessary grief.
Your choice now is, should I keep reading this article or move away? If you have decided you sincerely want to win back that love then start the cleanup process. Re-enter that relationship in your mind. Go in and toss out all of the garbage that cluttered your life. Throw out anything that made it difficult. Keep what was good about your love, and haul away the bad stuff to the local landfill. Whatever complicated life between the two of you, walk away from it. Rebuilding a relationship should not begin in a mud hole, it must be built on a solid foundation. Love is that foundation. It existed once, and it can rise again from the ashes.
How special was that love? What made it so great? Write down everything that you can remember that was so special to both of you. You should end up with a long list because you wouldn’t even consider rekindling it if it was worthless to start with. Once the list is complete you must focus on all of these great things and leave the bad stuff in the rubble now behind you. The things you listed are the foundation and the cornerstone of a new structure, begin the rebuilding process with vigor and the hope for a positive outcome. Trying to rebuild a relationship by merely slapping the parts together, or once again it will blow away during the next time the wind blows.
As you build, keep in mind that too many people will try to rebuild the relationship in a shape identical to what it was before the storm came and it disintegrated. Perhaps it wasn’t really that strong of a structure to begin with. Face the truth—if it had been solidly built—it wouldn’t have blown away when the winds began to blow. Build it better than it was before. This will mean both of you will have to make changes. But change is good. You will encounter many difficulties if you try to build in the present but your thoughts are in the past. You must build using only the strongest materials, leaving behind those things that weakened the structure before. You can win your love back and you can make it survive the worst of the storms.
Every relationship, whether between friends or lovers has one basic ingredient—truth. If this was a problem in your love, then be certain that the relationship you rebuild is based on truth. There is no stronger item in the foundation of a solid structure.
If this article was helpful to you, then I urge you to look for more information. The space used here is limited. You are probably thinking that if some sort of mentoring or step-by-step guidance was available you certainly could use it. Rebuilding a lost love will take a lot of strength, so if you are willing to be led by the hand through the rebuilding process, I will show you a blueprint you will find extremely helpful. The link below takes you to the website of my good friend, T. Dub Jackson. Please don’t be put off by his “red-necky manner.” T. Dub has helped thousands of people mend broken relationships. Visit With My Good Friend!